Following three months of ups and downs and re-booting the laptop, I decided I had enough of it. So I returned to Fry’s to see how they would honor the maintenance agreement. While there, I decided that in fact, I was NOT pleased with the laptop at all, the claims that were made of the product and its performance. So I requested to the customer service attendant, that I would like to exchange the laptop for another brand. He mentioned he couldn’t make that decision, as I had 15 days to make that choice and they had elapsed. He did, however, give the email address of the General Manager, to whom I could direct such a request.

I was amazed that the GM actually responded within 4 hours on a holiday weekend. Further, he was quite understanding. And when it was all said and done, I had a refund IN FULL of the laptop, which I happily exchanged for a Macbook Pro. This is the kind of customer service that warrants mention. My expectations were exceeded each step of the way, and my experience of the management team there was completely positive. I will return there again and again, and YES, customer service matters! Kudos to the team at Fry’s in Plano Texas.

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Strategy became a popular buzzword in our culture within the last 10 to 15 years. It typically referenced business movement and analysis but it permeated the urban landscape when relationships became the stuff of strategy and innuendo. A strategy is designed to get us desired results. In business, we can dissect many components, compartmentalize the business sectors and generate a blueprint to be followed through to success or failure. The thinking is that success is the result more often than failure and thus strategies serve the business community well.

In love, or attempts at loving others, there is much the same notion that strategizing moves and inferences will create successful encounters. As such, we hide things about ourselves in the discovery phase, overlook things about others, and create “half-truths” and even outright lies to move the relationship the way we desire. We also become more strategic about designing love than responding to or being open to love. It’s as if we have decided to play God with relationships, deciding what they will or won’t be before they even have the chance to ripen and unfold. Does getting the person whom we want and strategize ultimately make us happy? I don’t believe so.

Strategies are designed to give us a desired outcome. Attaining those outcomes establishes us as good planners. Little is left to chance, and so there aren’t a lot of possible outcomes, which haven’t been addressed. In love, the more we get what we planned, the less we believe it is real. We have become so talented at manipulating relationships that we lose the joy of being chosen by another. When that ring is ultimately placed on the finger, it’s a passionless experience where we know we orchestrated events perfectly and now we have to live with our desired outcome. It’s hard to determine that free will played a role in the outcome and I will forever doubt the integrity of the relationship. It looks great on paper and in the society section of the newspaper, but sitting across from my other half – well that just doesn’t feel as comfortable.

If my desired outcome is to be chosen and loved freely by another, I just negotiated myself right out of that deal. In the process of getting the person I wanted, there was one important thing missing – the person. I objectified them to the point of knowing exactly the pedigree I sought – the looks, professional stamina, perception in the community and on and on. Now I would find myself living with the perfect person, void of the perfect emotional expression – love. And then there are the many things I created as half-truths about myself in the experience that now must be forever hidden from my other half. Worrying about “being myself” replaces living freely and authentically.

Mergers between two people can be more successfully orchestrated through strategy than true love. And if you’re looking for a merger that makes sense, try it. Those will be the couples seen at restaurants on a Friday or Saturday night who show little joy at their company, but have reports and periodicals to share with their spouse.

The celebration of life becomes mired down in petty urban relationship myths we live by and renders me on the other side of true love when I think through and plot and scheme the details of love. I think I’ll take the bumps and bruises of rejection and imperfection and look for a person who appreciates and loves me for the goofy things I do and the unique aspects of me. I might not end up on the cover of Town and Country – in fact, I am pretty sure I won’t, but the odds are also better that I won’t end up in a deadbeat relationship in which both of us race from the dinner table, set impeccably with Christofle silverware and Wedgewood china, to get on the internet and see which fantasy lover has written an email tonight.

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This may sound ridiculous, but in these times many companies are more likely to take a chance with a consultant who doesn’t require vacation, time off and insurance than on a full time employee. So here’s a thought – create a consulting company showcasing your skills and talents. Step ONE – determine what you want to do. Once you’ve determined what it is you’d like to do (let’s say you want to work on social networking – every company needs help with that today), now you need to work on step TWO – create a brand identity for your business. You have to hang up a sign, so to speak, and let people know you’re in business and what you stand for.

Perhaps you name it “Ultimate Networking” and you’re ready for step THREE – define the services you provide. What is it you actually do? Do you write posts and entries? Make recommendations on social media platforms? Study analytics? Write blogs? All of the above? The next step FOUR – you must price those services. This is the tricky part. How you price your services may determine the likelihood of gaining customers. I suggest monthly consulting arrangement that is affordable. If you charge someone, say $500.00/month, it’s a lot easier to digest than a big payout. And if you get 5 or 6 of these business relationships under your belt, well your standard of living can immediately improve.

Now that you’ve created a business enterprise, and have a pricing structure in place, you need step FIVE – to get clients and promote your brand. It’s not as difficult as you may think. Go specifically to those help wanted ads and present an option to those companies of a (1099) working situation, where you assist them on a part time basis and do some of the work from home as well. Perhaps you work 10 hours a week for 4 clients instead of 40 hours a week for one employer.

Begin to look at work relationships as CLIENTS rather than employers. Networking to meet people needing your skill set means attending meetup.com meetings, and talking up what it is you do to strangers. These five steps will begin to empower you and give you the good feeling that you’re working TOWARD something rather than waiting to be chosen. You may surprise yourself what a well designed brand, website, logo and mission statement will do for your business. People will take you seriously and you’ll be on your way. Step 6, though I didn’t mention there would be one, is to ALWAYS stay on TOP OF YOUR GAME through research etc so that you’re invaluable to your clients and they will continue to retain you.

Take charge of your career today. You’ll be happy you did.

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To effectively navigate failure and understand its component parts would be to create pathways for success. If I know what failure looks like and what sets up the circumstances for its inevitability then I know which traps to avoid.

Failure is such a hands off topic that one recognizes instantly it should be avoided at all costs . I contend that failure – studying it, understanding and embracing it, can give as much or more perspective than success. While success is celebrated, failure is largely ignored. Why? In society, we have become so obsessed with positive results and hero worship,that we avoid acknowledging the amazing lessons that come from failing.

So what is failure if not the lack of succeeding or not winning? And what is success? These two elusive illusions are mostly set up in the paradigm of winning and losing – a very black and white dichotomy.

My personal experiences of failure include some investments I’ve made and a restaurant I opened. I also have to consider some failed relationships. These experiences have taught me several valuable lessons. Those lessons made me a better business man, investor and partner. Most importantly they taught me to consider and look at my approach, my expectations, timing, my need for mentor ship and my skill set. As I become more comfortable with failure I realize I set myself up for positive results.

Still, I can’t help but feeling that any conversation about failure or success is like trying to hit a moving target because these are both arbitrary states. I’ve moved beyond the language of failure and success and replaced it with what I’m learning and how I’m reacting to those lessons. The important qualities of living aren’t wrapped up in a word called success or failure. Life’s finer points are illustrated by a healthy sense of growth and accomplishment. Hereon, I experience success and failure as the same coin and one which I can flip at will and come up with a different outcome.

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Impressionable people gawk at the happenings and tell sordid tales of the “night before” over brunch the following day. Fact is, those stories only appeal to other impressionable people. Many stories are circulating about new bars and clubs and they sound amazing and empowering. So I set out to test my theory that all of this is an illusion – like a Criss Angel or David Blair stunt. A few year ago, on my inaugural trip to the celebrated Ghost Bar, atop Dallas’ W hotel, I entered oddly excited and looking forward to a new era in Dallas – the era of modern urbanism run amok.

The infamous clear balconies suspended 33 stories above Dallas terra awaited us. Not so fast. The doorman/bouncer (what is the right name for guys and gals that hold lists – gatekeepers?) stopped us and said we’d have to walk outside to gain admittance as the interior entrance was only for residents or guests of the hotel. So, in 100-degree heat, we dragged ourselves outside to find an iron gate matrix that made Disney World lines look like a walk in the park. It was early in the evening and there was no line, so we tried to gain access nearer to the front entrance. Another gatekeeper would not hear of it and sent us on an excursion through the matrix before we met a third gatekeeper who had an imposing clipboard. He raised one eyebrow and scrutinized a list. Lists populate the landscape of Oz.

There was more security than heads of state receive for official business. After standing in the blazing heat for several minutes, we were finally admitted to the elevator, which would ascend and take us up to meet the Wizard. Black suited people everywhere greeted elevators and led people around, like cattle. The minimalism of Helmut Lang look-alikes felt like oppressive forces from an Orwellian novel. I shuddered at the sterile and lifeless energy. Or was I shuddering at the 60s looking plastic covered furniture and the $14.00 drink I ordered? Something about the place just didn’t work, despite the well-heeled attractive clientele (one which wasn’t particularly local – more like the Dallas equivalent of a New York City “bridge and tunnel” crowd). We couldn’t depart quickly enough. Twenty minutes from entry into the Ghostbar, we were leaving – probably a record of some sort, and one of which I am proud.

My gal pal and I decided to head out for some refreshment from the heat. We found our way to the Quadrangle neighborhood and sat comfortably at the Dream Café. We ordered iced strawberry hibiscus green tea and honey. Refills were free, and six dollars later, we stretched out on wooden benches in a quiet restaurant and reveled in the moment. Who knew an iced tea experience could feel so wonderful?

I’ll admit the clear-bottomed balcony suspended in air was cool. The bird’s-eye views of the city were amazing as well. After that, I found little amusing or inspiring about the whole experience. Most importantly, though we never met the Wizard, I know he’s back there, in some large metropolitan area at this very moment, plotting the next venue to “awe and shock” the populace. And though he wants to take us away from the mundane and make us believe that illusions are worth the price of admission, I won’t buy it. I learned from my journey to Oz that illusions leave me cold and disenfranchised. On that night, and in the future, I will gladly trade a Ghost for a Dream.

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A group of four of us sat at that very Starbucks one wintry day. The fake fireplace was pumping out gaseous flames and we sat huddled with warm drinks in hand. At this meeting, we were convinced that a new television show was going to be launched lauding Dallas as the next great bastion in the American experience. I guess I’ve always had the kind of mind that grasps concepts and ideas quickly and effortlessly. A friend and I had come up with a sound, thoughtful idea, which we shared openly with our potential partners on that morning.

You remember that feeling when the sky was the limit and you felt powerful, happy and in charge? We experienced that for one and a half hours. Energy was in full motion. Things moved forward and we were masters of the universe, knowing that our time in the sun was just around the corner. One of our party was a guy from LA who “knew” the Industry, another was a bright guy who probably suffers from A.D.D. (don’t most of us urban dwellers?) who kept us in high spirits and super-charged.

My gal pal and I were thoroughly convinced that we would be the next Regis and Kathie Lee after the initial hour spent collaborating. It’s what happened in the second hour that changed those thoughts. After the whirlwind subsided and the other two guys walked away, we looked at each other and realized that our program idea had completely been changed, the potential partners had put their imprint on it, and we were saddled with the raising of capital. What happens when you suddenly realize that your dream team is really your bad dream team?

The next morning, having allowed all this to simmer and look at the reality of the project, I reached for the phone to dial her number, but my phone was already ringing. She was calling to ask, “what the heck happened?” We had begun with a programming idea that went awry and were expected to raise the money and come up with a business plan. In less than 24 hours, we had been relegated from the next great television show to financial planners. Our interest started to wane and by hour 24, the deal was dead.

I learned something in the process. Who I am and what I want must be consistent with ANY project I’m undertaking. Giving anyone the “wrong” task in a group can and will cripple progress and destroy the creative synergies. You must have a strong sense of self to know your role in potential outcomes of any conversation. And you have to learn when a deal is dead.

There may be a future article about the “resurrection” of dead ideas, but for now I see clearly the life span of many dreams is limited to 24 hours. When I am addressing you from in front of a television camera, hosting a daily talk show, I will write the story of how to resurrect ideas. Until then, I’m sticking to my 24-hour rule.

Oh, did I fail to mention that our “industry insider” from LA recently took a salaried job with an executive search firm? Maybe we’re all dreamers and there’s really nothing wrong with that, as long as we don’t take the process or ourselves too seriously. Hold on – there’s another group gathering, mugs of Java in hand. There go the high-fives. Gee, I wonder what they’re all excited about? Give em 24 hours. They’ll learn.

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The multiple social media vehicles available afford us a voice to different listeners and we can establish a specific tone tailored to them, while communicating a cohesive message. Different platforms speak to different audiences, and by establishing a presence on multiple sites we speak directly to them all simultaneously. Utilizing a social media management program (or dashboard, such as Hootsuite), we can schedule messaging activity throughout the week to whichever platforms we select. This creates an online appearance that we are active and engaged with the marketplace, while affording us the opportunity to run our daily business tasks.

Multidimensional networking gives our brands a larger than life appearance, communicating one clearly articulated message to a diverse audience.

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Consider that the list of labels come from commonly used ones which we throw around daily. There’s the Bible Thumper, the Douche, the Bitch, the Skank the Jersey Shore, the Queen, Geeks, and Skaters. There are those who seem to be above the law (Untouchables), the guy who doesn’t seem to know who he is (Little Boy Lost) and the darkly clad brooder (Goth Kid). Of course, there’s also the Misfit! Attributing character qualities to these labels seems to be universal. I was chatting with a new online friend from overseas the other day and he was completely in sync with my discussion about someone using a few of the aforementioned labels.

Once we’re given a label in the court of public opinion, it is very difficult to shake it. Reinventing oneself probably requires a relocation. Perhaps that’s why we must be vigilant to what we’re showing about ourselves in the public domain. With friends, it’s one thing because they’re not as concerned about how we might be acting out with our little character quirks. But strangers are quicker to judge and assign a label. We also give labels at work. Slacker, Asshole, Brown-nose, Know-it-all and Wimp are commonly thrown around in places of business. We seldom use positive attributes when creating labels and I wonder if that, too, is in our DNA. You don’t hear a lot of Genius, Super Terrific, Compassionate, Intuitive, Powerful, Dynamic or Radiant. We save those for our offspring, significant other or our hopeful conquests . Nope, our label lexicon is chock full of superlative negatives, and that says hoards about human nature.

Madison Avenue wants us to fit into a neatly defined box. Marketers dream of calculated demographics and politicians live and die by predicted behaviors. It seems everyone wants to project how we will live, what we will wear and the places we’re likely to visit. Even Netflix wants to know my profile of movies so it can suggest an array for me. Can I not just enjoy a good movie without it being DRAMA or DOCUMENTARY or ACTION? It’s like we’ve awakened into a world where we’re going to be told and directed toward what and how we will consume by search bots that profile us with finely tuned algorithmic formulas. Since when was being unpredictable such a bad thing?

Labels are the product of a population on edge about its identity. They are divisive and serve more as amplified projections rather than true reflections of our souls. The obsession with labels creates tension and leaves us cold. When we eliminate labels we will be more able to clearly see that which unites us in the common. Until then, if you want to label me as bright, witty, talented and humorous – well go right ahead!

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For instance, say your company is a law firm and you believe that customers only want to know the facts about your history, how many cases you’ve closed, your specialized practice and the firm bios. While all that is important, what will cause someone to take action is most often an association with a feeling experience they had while viewing the website, the posts on your social media platforms or the “about us” in the profile.

Identifying the key emotional triggers (KET) of your audience allows you the opportunity to connect with them more deeply. In the case of the law firm, let’s say the clients want to feel secure and confident. While the pedigrees of the partners can communicate that with the left side of the brain, the right side wants to FEEL it. What images, concepts and words will get that message across? What testimonials from others allows them to experience and aspire for that connection?

To know the emotional dynamic of your customer is to create a brand world that they will want to re-visit and embrace. While the opportunities for connection have grown leaps and bounds, the human dynamic of aspiration remain the same.

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Return on investment is a phrase familiar to any business owner. Most assume that when speaking of ROI, the consideration is strictly monetary. Playing in the realm of social media, that is almost never the case. For the most part, the use of social media is “free.” Aside from certain advertising, specified personnel or promotional options offered, the main investment required for social media is TIME.

Once the business profiles are created, the real “investment” begins. After reaching out to all the contacts and making your brand known, it’s time to start crafting a social media eco system. Defined, this is the environment that surrounds the brand tone, message and delivery. It lives in a unique habitat that YOU control. All that enters and exits the habitat is under the control of the brand.

Creating a brand eco system that is sustainable is the by-product of a carefully engineered and intelligently orchestrated social media strategy. If you are willing to invest the necessary time or money in growing a social media empire, the brand ROI will exceed all expectations . Brand ecosystems now include social media and that is here to stay for a long time.

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